the scary stuff

Motivation. Losing it, lost it, can't find it. Ugh.

In marathon training, sure, I manage to dig it up, it's easy. But in other places, I just can't seem to find the inspiration and motivation I need to dig down deep in my soul and really spend some time exploring. I notice that I surround myself with so many things, pack my weekends with activities, stuff my google reader full of contents I'm not utilizing. I just don't know what to do with it all!

What do you do when you've reached a Tipping Point? A point in which you need to evaluate, slow down and make a decision?

Ultimately, I've known all along, especially as a single gal that I was desperately searching for something I hadn't found. THE career! THE man! The city! The passion! Weekends were spent doing errand after errand and the occasional moments of peace I remember are sitting at Starbucks reading or cleaning my room on a sunny Sunday. Evenings consisted of running, the gym, grocery shopping and dinner. And then there were those serene moments of pure joy and peace as I hopped on a plane and flew across the country and the world to a new city for a marathon, a weekend getaway, a fun time with friends.

Well, now there's a man, THE man and he's great. More than I could have ever asked for. But we must not forget that a relationship is not the hidden key. I always told myself that a relationship wouldn't solve my problems and now I know it for real. But what a relationship does provide, is that stability and support when you need it most. I feel stronger today knowing that when I am ready to take a leap into figuring out just what I want in life, there's someone to catch me if I fall (or bandage my bleeding knee and elbow).

But still, it scares me. Scares me shitless. It scares me I won't find THE career. I won't find the time to make an inspiration board, or go back to school, or decorate our house, or whip up creative new foods, or travel to Spain, Ireland, Australia, etc. It scares me I won't live in a new part of the country. It scares me I'll just carry along at it all being safe, scheduling life week to week without any big plan in mind.

A few blogs remind me that this isn't necessary. There are bigger dreams, bigger risks, bigger goals we should set for ourselves. Because we deserve it.

Oh She Glows: Setting long and short term goals and her 10 goals for 2010

Makeunder My Life: Don't trip before the start line and Be the best you are with what you have and writing a letter to yourself setting your intention for the year.

What inspires your motivation? Where do you look when you're lacking it internally?
And maybe, just maybe I should take this whole life thing just a little less seriously. Perhaps I don't need to be the one with all the answers. Now just try to tell that to my little Type A mind.

Comments

Gracie said…
Honestly I agree most with your very last sentiments - about not taking things too seriously! I noticed that those of us who are type A's definitely want everything planned out and obviously we want the best (that's a no-brainer). But sometimes we can successfully settle into a career, not THE career, because it suits our life right now (I'm not in THE career but I make more money in my second or third choice job and right now I have Sallie Mae to think about! So it works for me). There's also THE city or THE place to live to think about, and I was gung-ho on that one until Hurricane Katrina changed our lives forever. I had to force myself to remember that home is where the heart is, 'cause it sure isn't where your photo albums or your hard-woods floors used to be! It's harder to "settle" for the way things are now (trust me, I over-plan and make time demands on myself just like you do), but each situation brings some valuable lesson or experience. I've taken a few steps back and I'm sort of letting life settle in around me.
Anonymous said…
I also agree with Gracie! With our recent decision to just "pack up and GO" to Co, I can say that there were many moments of doubt, concern, questioning-our-sanity....but many More moments of "omg we're really doing this!" and excitement. Just sit down one night and think about what you want - maybe what about your life you love, and what you could change? We knew CO was a "someday" thing, so I picked a date and said Let's do it. :)
Amber said…
Whoa, deep post lady ;)

Right now I'm just kind of going day-by-day. I'm SUPER happy and content in my life right now so I try not to think about all the things it DOESN'T have, because I have so many great things. If that makes any sense.

Maybe PLANNING something you REALLY want to do will help ease all this? Start the ball rolling on a conversation with the man-friend about a possible move, PLAN that trip to Spain, start applying for your DREAM JOB. And go from there :)
Yeah, I know...deep post. I've gotten away from the deep stuff so hope I didn't scare anyone. ;) Going to work slowly, but surely at taking things less seriously!
siri said…
Scared? Ha!

You totally know what you want, it's just a matter of mustering up the courage, energy, and sometimes money to get it. My advice to you: take advantage of your situation. You don't have house payments, a career to answer to, or a baby to keep you from traveling or even going to the gym after dinner (yea, a trip to Spain IS NOT in my foreseeable future...) Live it up, enjoy that manfriend, and don't forget to breathe and sit down at Starbucks once in a while...

-Siri (mom)
Thanks, mom! Sometimes we need a little sense talked into us.
As a type A, I struggle with this too. I want all the answers. Now. On my time frame. But I am slowly learnign that it doesn't work that way. This has been a uber frustrating year for me professionally, but I keep reminding myself that I will probablhy work for 30 more years (at least) - and while that is depressing to some extent, it takes some of the pressure off of me. I have time to figure out what makes me tick. I am responsible and save for my future, but I can afford to treat myself to an awesome vacation if I really want one.

Hang in there. We will figure it out. It's just so g.d. tough sometimes to not have all the answers...

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