Those last 5, 10 or 20 lbs
Last night I thought to myself as I got out of the shower after eating homemade pizza and drinking some wine, "Ugh, I feel fat." I know I shouldn't utter these words. I hate fat talk. But the truth is, as much as we try to avoid it, we can't always shut off the useless mjnd chatter.
I stood in front of the mirror seeing lumps and bumps on my hips and stomach. I didn't like what I saw. But I tried to remind myself that I'm healthy and strong. And, I got in plenty of exercise yesterday: Fitnessista's shape up workout week 2, biked to and from work, walked/ran 2.18 miles at lunch and went to Lifeforce Fitness for some yoga, iron pumping and cardio.
The reason I list the exercise out is that logically, I know I shouldn't feel or look fat, but some days I can't help it. My torso is short and I have unusually long legs for 5'3", therefore making any extra weight kind of obvious (to me) in my mid region.
Anyway, we all have days where we eat something heavy or have a few too many handfuls of Tim's Jalepeno potato chips. You just have to move on. Dwelling on a missed workout or one imperfect, delicious meal isn't worth the energy in life. And beyond that, I want to spend my life having fun and appreciating my body and everything I have to offer this world.
Jumping back to 2005, I ended college weighing more than I would have liked, but still feeling strong. I was one of the faster runners on my lacrosse team and I regularly lifted weights and took fitness classes. I was sure that losing 10 lbs would make me content with my body and confident in who I was.
One year and many miles of running later (I had just started my half and full marathon running obsession), I had lost 15 lbs and still wasn't really content with my body, myself or my life. And now six years (holy cow!) removed from college graduation, I'm 25 lbs lighter than the person who earned the journalism degree and yet I still have fat talk.
My point is, no matter what "ideal weight" you reach, you might always have that feeling of "I could do better." But be honest with yourself. Give credit where credit is due.
Those hundreds of hours I spend each year running and sweating my butt off aren't for nothing. And those healthy homemade meals are important too. And the 7-8 hrs of sleep I aim to get most nights, also the right choice.
Fact: chips and ice cream taste good sometimes. Perfection isn't the goal. Living a happy, healthy, balanced life is what I'm striving for. A little pizza doesn't take away all that hard work.
As much as I wish it were otherwise, I'm realizing that loving and appreciating my body (how it looks and functions) is an ongoing process. I didn't just lose 25 lbs and wake up and feel pleased with myself. But, I'm working on it.
Where are you with your body and self appreciation? What helps you when you experience negative self talk?
The 2011 Dirty Dozen list is out. Pretty much everything I love needs to be purchased organically for my own safety. It's a choice I make. We don't know the effects of all these pesticides and chemicals and I'd rather error on the safe (albeit spendy) side.
How does zucchini oatmeal for breakfast sound? I think I might just have to try it! You know how I love sneaking veggies in wherever I can!
I stood in front of the mirror seeing lumps and bumps on my hips and stomach. I didn't like what I saw. But I tried to remind myself that I'm healthy and strong. And, I got in plenty of exercise yesterday: Fitnessista's shape up workout week 2, biked to and from work, walked/ran 2.18 miles at lunch and went to Lifeforce Fitness for some yoga, iron pumping and cardio.
The reason I list the exercise out is that logically, I know I shouldn't feel or look fat, but some days I can't help it. My torso is short and I have unusually long legs for 5'3", therefore making any extra weight kind of obvious (to me) in my mid region.
Jumping back to 2005, I ended college weighing more than I would have liked, but still feeling strong. I was one of the faster runners on my lacrosse team and I regularly lifted weights and took fitness classes. I was sure that losing 10 lbs would make me content with my body and confident in who I was.
One year and many miles of running later (I had just started my half and full marathon running obsession), I had lost 15 lbs and still wasn't really content with my body, myself or my life. And now six years (holy cow!) removed from college graduation, I'm 25 lbs lighter than the person who earned the journalism degree and yet I still have fat talk.
My point is, no matter what "ideal weight" you reach, you might always have that feeling of "I could do better." But be honest with yourself. Give credit where credit is due.
Those hundreds of hours I spend each year running and sweating my butt off aren't for nothing. And those healthy homemade meals are important too. And the 7-8 hrs of sleep I aim to get most nights, also the right choice.
Fact: chips and ice cream taste good sometimes. Perfection isn't the goal. Living a happy, healthy, balanced life is what I'm striving for. A little pizza doesn't take away all that hard work.
Where are you with your body and self appreciation? What helps you when you experience negative self talk?
The 2011 Dirty Dozen list is out. Pretty much everything I love needs to be purchased organically for my own safety. It's a choice I make. We don't know the effects of all these pesticides and chemicals and I'd rather error on the safe (albeit spendy) side.
How does zucchini oatmeal for breakfast sound? I think I might just have to try it! You know how I love sneaking veggies in wherever I can!
Comments
I also think that doing things like marathons makes you view your body in a different way as it gives you a new level of appreciation/respect for what our bodies can do!
Great post! We all have those nights like you had when you look in the mirror and kind of sigh. It's good to be able to put it in perspective and realize how far you've come!
I've vowed to let go of that last 10 pounds that I "want" to do and I've done pretty good about doing that, but I'm not gonna lie, I second-guess myself sometimes!
Lisa-That's totally true. I try to rock the skirts and shorts for the few months we can around here because my legs are definitely an aspect I like. Being nicer to yourself is a good way to put it. There's no reason to be beating your body up.
Thanks, Gracie. But I think all of my readers are pretty active folk (ahem, mrs. marathon runner extraordinaire). Hope the healing goes well!
Amber- I hate these "women things"...I want them to be people issues and things that men understand and support us for. You know? ALas, it is our culture. Oh and I want men to learn how to make dinner after they get home from a hard day of work and a workout and then do chores around the house. Just sayin'... :)
I think I'm doing a lot better with fat talk now than when I was younger. Although, it's been kind of rough with this injury. I have definitely gained a few pounds since February, and I have to keep reminding myself that I will be running again soon (hopefully) and will lose the weight. This week has been especially hard because I decided not to workout at all until Monday (extra healing for the foot).
It's surprising for me that someone in as great shape as you are still has to deal with these issues. (Strange, I think I'm slow, so I can feel fat, but a fast person?!) It's all relative obviously. But anyway, sometimes I'm glad I have to work to stay normal because running makes me so happy and strong. This a.m. I was plodding along and two ex co-workers called out to me so I stopped and chatted. They are both super thin naturally and would never dream of running. When I explained my route they were flabbergasted. But I just thought about how lucky I am, because the quest for skinny is no longer destructive, it's linked to learning what you're body can do and maybe those skinny minnies will never know how far we can all go.
I do agree that appreciating what your body can do really helps those evil thoughts! Maybe strong is the new skinny?! :)
Funnily enough, though, I'm in the best shape of my life. I ran my first half-marathon last October, and my first marathon in April. I run five times a week. I do yoga five times a week. I can kick some SERIOUS BUTT. I love to eat and I never want to feel deprived. Some days, I look at myself and feel proud that my body can do so much, regardless of what size I fit into. But I definitely have those fat days too, unfortunately. Anyway, seriously, this post was great. Thanks for reminding me that losing ten more pounds isn't going to make me a better person.