What I don't understand is...

how I could have made it to 25 and found myself still a child in certain ways. I'm an old soul, always have been. I'm always the reason when recklessness butts its evil head into my life or those around me. I'm the "mother hen" according to some of my friends. I was the team mom, coordinator, trip planner, organizer and peace maker of our lacrosse team at times.

And yet, I feel so young sometimes. Just call me anti-relationship. As much as I want one, I avoid them like the plague. I run hard and fast away from them and I'm finally tired of running. The tough part is admitting to those you want to potentially date that you'd like to be able to relate but see, you "sort of missed the whole dating, boyfriend, summer fling boat." Hard to imagine, I know. Am I even allowed to admit this? Does society understand that there are people out there whom we compare ourselves to that aren't actually all they seem to be?

I didn't know how to open up to guys I cared about, claimed I was picky (and still do), was afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of losing my independence and ultimately, afraid of rejection. So in turn, I rejected them one by one before they could ever get the chance to reject me.

I've used and abused power and hid behind success to avoid more relationships than I care to admit. After all, who needs love when you've got a job that keeps you busy, a few too many hobbies, push your physical limits to the max and generally seem to pull off being a well-rounded person? Me, that's who.