Happy, Glorious, Magnificent WeekEND!

You know that feeling, every Thursday evening when all that stands between you and your weekend is a measly Friday. Ah, it's priceless isn't it?

It's interesting how some weeks you have absolutely nothing to say that would matter to anyone and other weeks you just can't seem to stop the flow of words. Well, this week was one of the less inspiring ones. I've been stressed and I can't imagine subjecting you to the details of that.

But one thing I have been realizing lately is that I take on burdens. Many women do and I can say I often fall victim to it. If something can't get done, I'll pick up the slack, if something breaks, I'll figure out how to fix it, how to make sure everything is under control, how to make you feel happy about a situation that was your fault, how to make sure not to inconvenience you. You being the hypothetical you...the people whose burdens I shoulder. I don't know where it came from, probably a good dose of instinct and culture, but it's kind of freaky. At the end of the day, I need to realize I can't do it all.

This whole eHarmony thing has really got me thinking about my role in interactions with other people (especially men). And geez, this dating stuff is hard. Just thinking about it makes me stressed. In 2008, being an independent woman is still a tough thing to do. I look at all the girls and women I see happily coupled and realize that they have been able to in some way give up some of their independence to rely on another person for their happiness.

I still remember walking into one of my big lecture classes in college and this guy holds the door open for me and all I could think was "Are you joking me? I don't even know you." If I had been drinking water I would have surely spit it out through my nose. Chewing an apple? I might have choked. Luckily, over the past few years I've been able to get over the door holding thing even though it still weirds me out.

Which gets me to what I'm really trying to say. Contrary to popular belief, I truly want to find someone who allows me to be dependent on them for at least a few things. I'm just not sure how I'll get to that place where I trust myself enough with a person that I allow him to do something for me without shooting him down. How to let go of having total control over your life and just let someone else take the reigns for once. That's a scary thought for an independent woman.

In new situations my instinct is always to make it known how capable I am of doing everything on my own. No help from you thank you very much! But that really hasn't gotten me anywhere, has it? People want to help each other out. It's like when you go to a party and if you offer the host/ess help, he/she is supposed to let you. Same goes for relationships (or so I've heard).

And oddly enough, through the years I've seen various friends and acquaintances again and again find fabulous jobs, friends, apartments, boyfriends, opportunities and more because they just let things happen. I'm starting to wonder if the universe has a way of conspiring around those of us who try too hard to make everything happen "just so." There just might be a lesson to learn from those who sit back and watch the grass grow once in a while, or give up a little control. Hmm...

If I haven't thoroughly confused you with my ramblings by now, congrats!

Comments

LP - Awesome post! I totally know what you mean. It's hard to let someone who you don't even know (a new dating prospect perhaps) do nice things for you without really "knowing" you very well. But I've slowly realized that that is something that I do for people all the time (and you do, too). It makes us feel good to do something nice for someone else, even if we don't know them. We should be able to allow others that same satisfaction. I've learned to say "thanks" and give guys a smile when they do or say something nice, and I think that's really all they're looking for...and if they're looking for more than that, well, I'm not the right girl for them ;) Love ya!
I think that one of the hardest things about marriage is learning to give up your independence, not all of it but even any of it. I'm normally a very independent person and most of my fights with my husband are when he's trying to help me with something I want to do on my own. It's a hard battle to learn.
Awesome post! Have a great weekend, and I know what you mean. I'm very dependent too, and it's always been hard for me too. I'm very independent, and I just hate to depend on people. But I'm learning, and I know that it's caused some arguments between G and I, but we are figuring it out.

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