Spoken from a friend who knows
A little e-mail popped up in my inbox today amidst a whirlwind of projects I'm working on. A former coworker and partner in crime wrote a few deep thoughts for me after going to a certain man's wedding this weekend. I figured we could all benefit from these words.
"I don't think he's happy, happy, happy. I think he's convinced himself he is happy. And I've discovered in the last couple of months I really love him and sad that I didn't allow myself to be in love with him and share that.
Sass, take it from a girl that's has never been able to open up fully, that has way too many walls and boundaries...learn to love before it's too late. Let your walls down. When I have even just a little, it's been great. I can't even imagine what it could be like without walls and boundaries. Please, rectify my past mistakes by just letting yourself be open, alive and trusting. Don't judge every little thing about someone, don't create reasons they aren't good enough, because in the end what you are doing is giving yourself the exact reasons why you feel you aren't good enough or ready to love. Don't do it. Life is more fulfilling when you share it with someone...
Here's the thing though. Don't think you have to have a relationship. Let it just be. It'll be easy to let it become a relationship when you just meet people, start hanging out and then bam, it's a relationship and you don't even know it. While in my two somewhat significant relationships, I didn't even realize that's what we were doing. Experience, inexperience, etc. won't matter. It will just be. and you'll know. But you gotta use baby steps. Don't approach it as a relationship cause that scares the hell out of commitment phobes like us!"
Thanks, P.I.C. It's nice to know there are friends out there looking out for us, cheering us on, hoping we'll do better from each others' victories/mistakes/experiences. So, go forth ladies and let the men in your life in. I on the other hand will think about talking to one someday soon (if he looks my way and has a huge grin on his face). Trust, it doesn't happen in one day. Baby steps. That's the name of the game.
On another note, I saw the guy my mom tried to set me up with (whom I went on two dates with but never felt the spark) during dinner with the runners tonight. It was awkward. I pretended I didn't see him. What could I say? "Yep, still pretty busy, still not interested." So I focused very intently on what my friends were saying and of course, my water glass. Mature, very mature Sass. When it comes to me and men, I'm pretty sure the word mature doesn't fit. I'm scared shitless. I find a reason it won't work so it doesn't. Sorry, bud but there was no spark and I'm looking for a flame. Moving on...it's time to trust men and ultimately, myself. Crappity crap crap.