comfort=out, risk taking=in

Nobody likes a downer, including me. I'm so sick of myself I can't even tell you how many times lately I've wanted to give myself the boot out of a situation. Like this weekend when the girls and I took our little getaway trip to Bend (which was amazing), I managed to find myself being the party pooper with no thoughts that seemed important enough worth sharing, no words of happiness to contribute.

I deserved a real kick in the pants, but good friends somehow decide to give you the benefit of the doubt (or the friendship) and let it pass. I'm sick of waiting for a bad mood or depressed state of being to pass. Just like the next person, I don't like to be around people who aren't happy so why am I doing exactly what I hate?? I don't know.

Ok, that's not true. Maybe I do know to some degree. I'm not fulfilled. I'm always waiting and wishing for more, but I refuse to make it happen. Refuse to step out and take a chance, refuse to just choose a school or focus of study for a masters degree and refuse pick up and move on to a new city that makes me reevaluate everything I do. Comfort is only so comforting when it truly fulfills you. This place, this job, this state of being is not sufficient to my dreams and yet I am allowing it to be.

I'm ready to find my passion, a passion, someone to be passionate about because to live without gusto gets boring. I've been living from one trip, one marathon, one event to another, but not finding true happiness and fulfillment within the moment I stand. The time is now. The question is, how?

Part of this resistance to change comes from my semi-control freak nature. I don't want to control others, I just want everything surrounding me to be safe, in order, perfect...something that is pretty much impossible. The exact reason I need to do something that truly scares me. Safety has been my best friend for far too long. I guess that's why I seek out those who are adventurous, daring, wiling to do things on a whim without surveying the every danger and implication of their decisions. Because we all need a little wave to rock the boat now and then.

You know it's bad when your friend's boyfriend who barely knows you starts telling you that you need to open up and give guys a chance. That someone out there will bring it out of you, but you've got to give them a chance. Thanks Chico. Point taken. But when you've stood in fear for so long, afraid to get hurt by someone or some change, you almost become paralyzed. Chances are, if you are waiting for the perfect moment for the perfect guy/job/city/passion to walk around the corner, it's gonna walk right on by when you bend down to tie your shoe. Life isn't waiting around for you sass. You decide. You decide. YOU are the captain for your mother freaking ship so it's about time you took hold of the tiller.

How do you feel stuck? And, what are your methods of moving on, challenging yourself and going beyond your comfort zone?


Laura said…
For me, running was a huge step outside my comfort zone. I was never athletic at all, and I picked up running as a way to kind of prove to myself that I could do anything I set my mind to doing. Five marathons later, I'm finally starting to think of myself as a runner :)
Larissa said…
When I find something that feels scary and inspiring, I try to take some small active step towards the goal. If I break it down to a few smaller steps, it's way more manageable and less intimidating.
'Sup. said…
Wow. I think we are separated at birth LP. I could've written this exact blog this weekend. I am seriously considering canceling the cable subscription I just received and forcing myself to call people to hang out - even though I almost never do this. I never instigate anything, and always wait for others to do it, to confirm that they actually like me. It's time for me (and you) to start liking ourselves enough to go after whatever it is that we want.
heatherdc said…
The idea of a "real" job scares the crap out of me. I'm in a program comparable to what Residency is for a Med student, so I still have a year to decide what I want to do. But how do you decide that?! What if you choose wrong?
It is a huge step to get out of your comfort zone, and trust yourself with something you're unsure of. It's like challenging yourself with running-small steps, take breaks, learn what you're capable of-and then feeling that 'runner's high'. SO worth it.
Single said…
I think that just writing this and realizing everything is a good step in the right direction. You should check out a book called "Write It Down, Make It Happen."
Sassy Molassy said…
Thanks for the ideas. Single, I have "Write it down, make it happen." Perhaps I should actually pick the book up and read it. Hmm... ;)

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