Don't make me get personal...or you'll be bored.

Ok, so I have to admit this is a bit corny, but I had an "epiphanal moment" this evening while watching The Nanny Diaries.

This guy playing Scarlett Johansson's love interest was just my type and so stinkin' cute I could hardly stand not smiling at him. Anyway, it occurred to me that while he is the kind of guy I normally go for, or would like to go for, I'm afraid I'll never succeed at getting a guy like him. And it's not because he wouldn't be interested (although he might not be). But I think it may never happen because I don't believe enough in who I am to be confident toward the guys I like and want.

It makes me wonder if this is just typical for my age or if I really am too critical and lack the confidence in myself that other strong women my age have.

And because I don't fully love myself, I'm unable to truly express who I am to those I don't know really well (everyone other than my family and high school friends basically). Why the hell is that?!

The other night @ Villard after run club, one of the guys was like "Lauren, we realized we don't know anything about you. Tell us something." All of a sudden, everyone at the table was all ears.

For almost four straight months now I have hung out (but mostly ran) with this group 2-3 nights per week and they don't know anything about me. The sad thing is I had nothing of substance to tell them. So, I gave my stats: age, hometown and occupation. Boring. That's the best fucking thing I could come up with.

So, after thinking about it I came up with a few answers that would have been more interesting and real than what I provided.

1. I love (ok, I'm obsessed) within running or any form of working out. This, I realize, would probably be uninteresting to a group of runners.
2. I love food, preferably organic (thank god I love to work out).
3. I don't know what the hell I'm doing in life career-wise, but I know I love to run.
4. I'm a perfectionist, but have always had a messy or rather disastrous room.
5. I love a good chic flick or fiction about the glamorous life of some city girl.
6. I don't trust men and am not sure I ever will.
7. I'm hypersensitive and analyze everything so much so that sometimes I wish I were a guy.
8. I'm concerned about everyone else before myself.
9. I love Duck Athletics.
10. I love country music and occasionally tip back Coors Light while camping and wearing my cowboy hat.
11. I love to travel, but am pretty sure I haven't left the country yet (besides Canada and Mexico) because I'm terrified of not knowing what to expect and being unable to control my environment.
12. I am inspired by Oprah and hope to someday make a difference in the world the way she has affected change.

Ultimately, I realize I didn't give any of these answers because frankly they're just too fucking personal to say out loud.

Comments

Here are some other things I think you could have told your new pals:

1. I am the best friend you'll ever have, because I never give up on anyone, am fiercely loyal, and can have fun doing anything and everything.

2. I am a very intelligent girl, and though I'm not quite sure what direction my life is going, I know I'll be great at whatever I put my mind to, because that's just who I am.

3. I love to hang out with my crazy friends (and by crazy I mean Wulff, not me, I'm one of your more boring friends), stay up until 4 in the morning in Vegas, and generally just experience what life has to offer.

4. I'm a private person, but if you stick with me, you'll learn I'm pretty much the coolest person ever.

5. I like to read - here are the books I've read recently and what I think about them ...

At least, if I'd have been there, those are the things I would've offered up about you. Love ya Peters.
Lauren said…
Thanks home slice.

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