The Postpartum Body Roller Coaster
Disclaimer: If you are someone who struggles with body image and weight talk, this post is probably not for you.
It's been a journey. Up, down, up, down. I remember around a year postpartum I was back to my pre baby weight and fitting into most of my clothes pretty well (although sure enough, the hips did widen after 41 weeks of pregnancy and birth).
And I thought "Okay, so now it's just about getting stronger and toning up." I was running several days a week and still nursing probably 4x a day and often 1-2x per night.
Around 18 months, Henry finally started sleeping through the night. According to what I've seen and read, this is normal with breastfed babies. Many continue waking up in the middle of the night because they know they can get milk. At this point, we had Pete start going in when Henry would wake up and soothe him back to sleep by talking or singing to him. Henry was nursing about two times a day.
At 2 years + 3 weeks, Henry was finally weaned. That's a story for another day, but it happened and thankfully wasn't too traumatic for either of us.
*The reason I include this nursing timeline in here is that it took me some time to realize that one of the reasons my clothes fit noticeably different this summer versus last is that I'm no longer nursing away 400+ calories a day.
Coming to Terms with My Body
Honestly, I've come back to this draft post several times in the last six months. And each time, my mindset is different. Some days I'm in the "Boohoo. Why does my body look like this?" stage and other days I'm in the "Well, this is the mom bod thing that people joke about. But, actually it's reality and I'm going to come to terms with it" stage.
For several reasons, I'm slowly leaning (and staying) more and more in the "coming to terms with it" stage. And I'm happy about that!
Body Image
As someone who struggled with weight growing up (and was made fun of in public by "friends" and a family member) and has been an athlete most of her life, I've had my share of struggles with body image, as I know most women have. And as an adult who often worked out multiple times a day (not always the most healthy habit, I know) and ate pretty well prior to having a child, I struggled when what I saw in the mirror didn't reflect (to me) a woman who worked her ASS off daily.
Fast forward to maybe 18 months postpartum and my flat(ish) stomach started to change as we gradually weaned from nursing. And since then, I've noticed that no matter how clean I eat - all the salads, only a square of dark chocolate for dessert, almost no alcohol - plus, running 5-6 days a week and weight lifting a bit, my stomach doesn't change. This is it, folks.
I'm not someone that likes to put her vulnerabilities out there (heck, who is?), but I felt like showing what my belly actually looks like when I'm planking and tightening my core sheds a little bit of truth on that whole body after baby stuff we see on Instagram. Yeah, some women don't have much extra skin or fat left over post pregnancy (I'm jealous), but some of us do. I also realize there's a wide spectrum and while to some people my body issues seem negligible, it's all relative.
So, I guess I'm putting this out there now because I'm tired of putting myself down when I work so hard and frankly can't do much to change things. Maybe I'd see a change if I were putting in 50-60 miles a week of running + more intense weight lifting, but right now I just don't have the time or interest in that.
And I'm also owning the fact that sometimes when I was working out 2-3x a day, it was partially a punishment or a nagging feeling that if I didn't workout, I couldn't maintain a flat stomach and size _ clothing. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to workout because the endorphins make me so happy, but there's also a point at which you just KNOW you've crossed the boundary from healthy to unhealthy.
So, I want to let go of this burden I've carried around. And maybe you have a body burden you want to let go of too?
I want to stop the internal dialog that says "Why does my stomach look like this?", "Why is there still fat on my hips?" or "Why doesn't my body look like so-and-so's?" Because woman. That's how we were made and you've always had fat on your hips.
While I know I'll screw up and I won't always think my body is just great no matter what, it's a step in the right direction. Already, I've noticed myself a few times have a thought and then say "So what? This is a body. With some curves. There are so many more interesting things in life."
And finally, donate the clothes that don't fit.
I had kept a few pairs of jeans in my smaller size that used to fit well pre pregnancy, but they really haven't felt good any time I've worn them postpartum. So, the last time I pulled on those black skinny jeans and they made me feel like shit, I washed them, folded them and threw them in a pile for donation.
So, if you're struggling with body confidence right now, I feel you. I hope this helps someone else who might have unrealistic expectations about their body as I did. And if you're a new mom or soon-to-be new mom, go easy on yourself. Your priority is now a tiny human and sleep for quite a while.
People I credit for inspiring me to start to think differently about how my body looks and to write this post:
Steph Rothstein Bruce for sharing her motherhood and running journey with the world. And helping women with diastasis recti (DR) find solutions and realize they're not alone. She did an amazing hour long Facebook live earlier this year and answered so many women's questions about diastasis recti and safe core exercises. If you go to her page, you'll find it in her videos section from April 6. The woman is strong as hell and has made it clear that the journey doesn't always look "pretty" in the way we often define it. I didn't have DR, but appreciate her honesty as a professional runner and mom of two.
Gina, the Fitnessista, for putting her breast explant and diastasis recti repair story out there. Go read her story!
Girls Gone WOD podcast (Joy and Claire) for recently becoming more vocal about letting go of negative self talk around your body. Joy has also been talking a lot about not letting your thoughts around food or exercise be related to your body's appearance. It's not a transactional relationship. If you're hungry, eat. If you want some chips and guac, have it and move on. Follow them on Instagram and/or listen to their podcast. I don't do Crossfit and I still love to listen.
Do you have any good body positive resources to share? Leave them in the comments.
It's been a journey. Up, down, up, down. I remember around a year postpartum I was back to my pre baby weight and fitting into most of my clothes pretty well (although sure enough, the hips did widen after 41 weeks of pregnancy and birth).
And I thought "Okay, so now it's just about getting stronger and toning up." I was running several days a week and still nursing probably 4x a day and often 1-2x per night.
Around 18 months, Henry finally started sleeping through the night. According to what I've seen and read, this is normal with breastfed babies. Many continue waking up in the middle of the night because they know they can get milk. At this point, we had Pete start going in when Henry would wake up and soothe him back to sleep by talking or singing to him. Henry was nursing about two times a day.
At 2 years + 3 weeks, Henry was finally weaned. That's a story for another day, but it happened and thankfully wasn't too traumatic for either of us.
*The reason I include this nursing timeline in here is that it took me some time to realize that one of the reasons my clothes fit noticeably different this summer versus last is that I'm no longer nursing away 400+ calories a day.
Coming to Terms with My Body
Honestly, I've come back to this draft post several times in the last six months. And each time, my mindset is different. Some days I'm in the "Boohoo. Why does my body look like this?" stage and other days I'm in the "Well, this is the mom bod thing that people joke about. But, actually it's reality and I'm going to come to terms with it" stage.
For several reasons, I'm slowly leaning (and staying) more and more in the "coming to terms with it" stage. And I'm happy about that!
Body Image
As someone who struggled with weight growing up (and was made fun of in public by "friends" and a family member) and has been an athlete most of her life, I've had my share of struggles with body image, as I know most women have. And as an adult who often worked out multiple times a day (not always the most healthy habit, I know) and ate pretty well prior to having a child, I struggled when what I saw in the mirror didn't reflect (to me) a woman who worked her ASS off daily.
Fast forward to maybe 18 months postpartum and my flat(ish) stomach started to change as we gradually weaned from nursing. And since then, I've noticed that no matter how clean I eat - all the salads, only a square of dark chocolate for dessert, almost no alcohol - plus, running 5-6 days a week and weight lifting a bit, my stomach doesn't change. This is it, folks.
Strength work in my PJ's @ 22 months postpartum
I'm not someone that likes to put her vulnerabilities out there (heck, who is?), but I felt like showing what my belly actually looks like when I'm planking and tightening my core sheds a little bit of truth on that whole body after baby stuff we see on Instagram. Yeah, some women don't have much extra skin or fat left over post pregnancy (I'm jealous), but some of us do. I also realize there's a wide spectrum and while to some people my body issues seem negligible, it's all relative.
So, I guess I'm putting this out there now because I'm tired of putting myself down when I work so hard and frankly can't do much to change things. Maybe I'd see a change if I were putting in 50-60 miles a week of running + more intense weight lifting, but right now I just don't have the time or interest in that.
And I'm also owning the fact that sometimes when I was working out 2-3x a day, it was partially a punishment or a nagging feeling that if I didn't workout, I couldn't maintain a flat stomach and size _ clothing. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to workout because the endorphins make me so happy, but there's also a point at which you just KNOW you've crossed the boundary from healthy to unhealthy.
So, I want to let go of this burden I've carried around. And maybe you have a body burden you want to let go of too?
I want to stop the internal dialog that says "Why does my stomach look like this?", "Why is there still fat on my hips?" or "Why doesn't my body look like so-and-so's?" Because woman. That's how we were made and you've always had fat on your hips.
While I know I'll screw up and I won't always think my body is just great no matter what, it's a step in the right direction. Already, I've noticed myself a few times have a thought and then say "So what? This is a body. With some curves. There are so many more interesting things in life."
And finally, donate the clothes that don't fit.
I had kept a few pairs of jeans in my smaller size that used to fit well pre pregnancy, but they really haven't felt good any time I've worn them postpartum. So, the last time I pulled on those black skinny jeans and they made me feel like shit, I washed them, folded them and threw them in a pile for donation.
So, if you're struggling with body confidence right now, I feel you. I hope this helps someone else who might have unrealistic expectations about their body as I did. And if you're a new mom or soon-to-be new mom, go easy on yourself. Your priority is now a tiny human and sleep for quite a while.
People I credit for inspiring me to start to think differently about how my body looks and to write this post:
Steph Rothstein Bruce for sharing her motherhood and running journey with the world. And helping women with diastasis recti (DR) find solutions and realize they're not alone. She did an amazing hour long Facebook live earlier this year and answered so many women's questions about diastasis recti and safe core exercises. If you go to her page, you'll find it in her videos section from April 6. The woman is strong as hell and has made it clear that the journey doesn't always look "pretty" in the way we often define it. I didn't have DR, but appreciate her honesty as a professional runner and mom of two.
Gina, the Fitnessista, for putting her breast explant and diastasis recti repair story out there. Go read her story!
Girls Gone WOD podcast (Joy and Claire) for recently becoming more vocal about letting go of negative self talk around your body. Joy has also been talking a lot about not letting your thoughts around food or exercise be related to your body's appearance. It's not a transactional relationship. If you're hungry, eat. If you want some chips and guac, have it and move on. Follow them on Instagram and/or listen to their podcast. I don't do Crossfit and I still love to listen.
Do you have any good body positive resources to share? Leave them in the comments.
Comments
That said, I totally hear you. I have struggled HARD with body image during pregnancy. I totally couldn't wait to have a cute bump for so long that I didn't actually know that the bump is NOT always cute. And sometimes you have to take 50 mirror selfies before you find one you can tolerate. And that with the weight gain my face would also get rounder than normal (dang you round face shape!!) and make me hate pictures of myself during pregnancy. Oh and in the last 2 weeks, the STRETCH MARKS! Gah! I've been rubbing body oil on my stomach 2-3x a day since week 20 but I hit the third trimester and all of a sudden my belly is covered in stretch marks. I hate it. I have heard / read it is genetic and if you're going to get them you'll get them and there is nothing you can do to prevent it, but still, sucks.
As excited as I am to "get my body back" I am also trying to go into it with low expectations because I hope to breast feed and also know how tough being a new mom will be. I have some loose goals about running a half marathon in 2018 but I am forcing myself to not set any ACTUAL goals for the next year other than taking care of this little babe I wanted for so long. Also trying to remind myself it took 40 weeks to grow the baby, I need to give it at least 40+ weeks to get my body "back" (not that it might ever come back to what it was fully like you said!)
Anyways, body stuff is hard on us women and huge kudo's to you for writing such a great post putting it all out there. I for one think you look amazing and you are SO strong and fit. So keep doing what you're doing mama, you are setting a great example for Henry! xoxo
I like what Amber said- just remember that you (we) are setting a great example for our kids by being active and showing them that getting outside is a good thing
I think you look wonderful. Your body has been through so much between being pregnant, child birth, and breastfeeding! If you think about everything your body has done it's freaking amazing!