Tap, tap, tap. Is this thing on?
I want to stop just thinking about doing something and start doing it already. I'm talking small things at the moment, so let's start with blogging. I want to write more. It's cathartic. It's a creative outlet for me. I have things to say. And I miss doing it. So for now, I'm going to try and write three times a week even if it's short and sweet and accompanied by one photo.
Today I ran the Fueled by Fine Wine half marathon with a few good girlfriends. I'll do a race recap later this week, but today's post comes from the weekend.
My friend Stef (who has a six month old) and I brought our moms along this weekend so we could make the whole thing possible. At this point, I could probably leave Henry overnight with my parents, but he doesn't regularly sleep through the night and let's be honest, he's quite a lot of work.
Last night, we made dinner at the house we were staying at, did bath around 7:30 pm, I got Henry into his PJs and started reading books - all a part of our normal bedtime routine. After nursing him, I put him down in the travel crib (with his paci & chick blanket) only to have him stand up immediately and begin screaming. As much as I hate hearing him scream, I gave him a good 10 minutes hoping he'd give in as he sometimes does when he's really tired.
[We've had a rough go of it the last few times I've tried to put him down in the travel crib, so I'm hoping that he won't always fight it when we aren't at home.]
After that clearly wasn't working, I went in to soothe him. And while he calmed down, he was now not at all interested in drifting off to sleep. He wanted to crawl all over and off the bed, he wanted to read all the books, he wanted to leave the room, he wanted to scale the back of the bed frame. Yep.
In the not so pretty parts of momhood, when you're tired and angry, you clench your teeth, you cuss to yourself, you say "no" just a little too sternly and sometimes you tear up.
So at 9:00 pm we headed back out to the living room to play. By 9:45, I was feeling pretty weary and just wanting some quiet adult conversation. [Spoiler alert: I didn't get it.] We finally headed back to the room, I read a few stories, turned off the light and then sang him some songs until he gave in and fell asleep. [Halleluiah]
Because I wasn't going to risk another two hour baby sleep strike, I gently rolled him from my arms on to the King bed between my mom and I, where he slept pretty well the rest of the night. Sometimes motherhood leaves you feeling defeated, impatient and raw.
While my mom and friend D both mentioned how patient I was with him, I'll admit I felt nothing of the sort. It's a work in progress, but I want to get there. I want to find peace and patience in those frustrating moments because the gritting my teeth and getting angry doesn't serve me or anyone well.
Wishing you a peaceful, patient evening <3 b="">3>