Cheers to solitude

As I was sitting in one of my favorite campus restaurants eating yummy tomato soup and salad, I realized I'm pretty good at being alone. Not that I always want to be alone, but none the less I'm good at it. Everyone else in the place was happy to have the company of their coworkers, friends, spouse or newspaper. I was perfectly happy to be sitting there with my book and my thoughts.

Life after college has afforded me large chunks of time alone to do the things I once enjoyed with roommates, teammates, and close friends. I've become accustomed to hanging out with me, myself and I so much so that when it comes to having to share a meal or hang out a friend's apartment, I have to think twice about it. When you spend the majority of your time outside of working doing WHAT you want WHEN you want to, being flexible with other peoples' plans for you can be hard to do.

So I wonder, if I do find someone I'm interested in hanging out with (outside of my running groupies) or meet a guy I want to date, will I be willing to rearrange my schedule? I think I will, but I'm not sure. At the moment, being stuck feels normal to me. Stuck in my ways of working, working out, eating, watching Grey's Anatomy and sleeping. Even something as simple as going to a basketball game makes me tense. How long can I work out? When do I eat dinner? Will I get enough sleep? Luckily, I'm pretty resourceful and am able to juggle my minimal time (and a Luna bar) pretty well, but when it comes to building relationships I think it might take more than just an hour here and there. But for right now I'm happy, happy to go to a movie by myself, get takeout, laugh and cry with Grey's on my couch and do a lot of reading and writing. I think when life's ready to throw me the right person, I'll be ready.

Comments

Kayla said…
I'm sure you will be ready. And I admire your aptitude for hanging out with yourself - I have anxiety attacks if I have to eat alone in a public place, etc. I'd love to be able to do that, but I usually puss out.
I'm totally the same way now. It's hard to schedule social time into a calendar that's so filled with alone time. Even in the last few weeks I've noticed my time slips away easily when I put other activities before my own routine. But then I feel like I'm cheating myself. I guess it's just a balancing act.

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