Do you ever have those moments when it feels like everything's colliding at once and you can't make it stop? Just when I think I've dodged the bullet, I turn the corner and another's flying right at me. Duck, cover, repeat. Lately, I've wanted to just take a step outside my schedule and let the events, meetings, dinners, parties, runs and drama go on without me.
I'd like a timeout, no questions asked. No phone calls, texts or facebook messages asking "where have you been? what are you doing? are you ok?" Instead, I maintain my obligations, warily navigating each encounter, trying to stay in the know but outside the drama, confusion, mixed feelings. I hate drama. I hate the tense feeling in your chest when you can't think about anything else but the drama.
If I'm being vague, I guess it's because I can't quite pinpoint it, but it feels like all these separate little things that would be easily manageable on their own are coming at me from every direction all at once and I just can't perform miracles. Guys you're not interested in like you, obvious hints at romantic disinterest go unnoticed, friends you thought you could hug and it wouldn't be misunderstood, your direction in life lacks a navigation device, your future looks bright but you're blinded by headlights that are stuck on high beam, guys who seem so right just aren't looking, twice daily workouts are doing nothing to those love handles, your idiot roommate buys a pistol and doesn't consult you on the matter, you drank yourself to the point you promised you'd never return, that bank account seems to be forever dwindling, your willpower took a hiatus...just when you thought you succeeded, you failed. And you know what, I really hate failure.
Tomorrow's Sunday. I'm running 11 miles, having a Starbucks and succeeding. I'm not putting myself in the line of fire because I just don't have the energy. Tomorrow, I get a break. You hear that world? I need a break.