What's on my bookshelf right now...


and in my hands during a lunch break or before bed is this book by Jen Schefft (the girl from the Bachelor who almost married Andrew Firestone). Shortly thereafter she went on the Bachelorette and turned down both of her male suitors at the end of the show. People on the streets would come up to her and tell her what an awful mistake she had made. That's how our society treats women who give up the chance at the rock, and the 2.5 kids and the McMansion.

The thing I love about this book is her no fear attitude on why being single is perfectly fine and even great. It makes me more sure than ever that my "I'm not settling less for what I deserve or desire" motto is right, for me anyway. Sometimes we I go around apologizing for the things we I do, say or believe because someone else doesn't agree. But you know what, when it comes to your happiness and finding someone who truly makes you feel like a better person when you're with them, it's okay not to settle. Sometimes we all just need a little encouragement to be ok with that.

"We're so eager to fall in love that we make excuses for men because they're handsome, rich, or just what our mothers ordered. Time again, we sacrifice our own needs and our own happiness because we think a man will complete us. Instead we need to be standing up for ourselves. We need to take responsibility for our own happiness. If a man won't change, you either get over it or move on."

She mentions various occasions where she's felt awkward being invited as a single among so many couples, including weddings. I don't know about you, but I've totally been to one of those "yep, I'm sitting at the lame single table over here in the corner" weddings. I made the best of it cuz that's what I do. But when you're sitting next to a few beer guzzling frat guys you have no interest in, one definitely dreams to be coupled and sitting in the middle, near the dance floor with all the other couples who are laughing their asses off and not chugging Coors Light and making fun of the cute single girl at the table.

I wholeheartedly agree with Schefft that it's time for single women to stand up to their friends, family and even strangers who tell us we're lame and prove that we're ok. Hear that grams, ma, dad, auntie and cousins?? I'm OKAY. A girl can be content and totally happy alone.

Pushing the matter only frustrates us more. Like, "thanks auntie-poo for your fabulous suggestion, I totally should go find a boyfriend today! What the hell have I been doing with all my precious time?" Sorry fam, doesn't work that way. If I wanted some man candy, I sure hope I could find it. But when happiness is what you want, why go screw it up and just date any ole Joe Shmoe? And to that I say singles, keep on dancing to your own beat until you find someone who's worth the leap.

Comments

Single said…
I'm glad you like the book. Did you know that Jen just recently got engaged? I read about it a couple of days ago.
Laura said…
I'm not single now, but when I told my mom that I had started seeing someone, she was like "oh thank goodness! We were so worried about you, especially with all your running. I was afraid you were using running to replace having a relationship."

Um, thanks mom.
magda said…
Amen! I think you've sold this reader. I hadn't heard of this book, but I feel like I already love it. It takes a strong woman to say "actually, no, I'd rather be alone"--but it's oh so worth it. When it's right, it's right, but until then, best to not get caught up in what we feel we "should" be doing.
heatherdc said…
Thats awesome that she put out a book! ah, this makes me want to read some entertaining chic lit. I missss it.
It's very true. And the point you realize that you're strong enough to be alone, you'll no longer be alone. Sounds like a good book.

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