I remember when...

Last night it all came rushing back to me. The night when I let my guard down and just let things happen the way they should.

It was the summer, I was living with a few guy friends, taking a few classes and working part time. One of the guys just so happened to be one I had a mad crush on. After months of flirting, I came home late to an almost empty house after a relaxing visit with the grandparents. Almost empty except for me, him and a pack of St. Pauli Girl. I think I scared him because he'd been home alone for several days.

I still remember the way he used to laugh at me when I had to climb onto our kitchen counter to reach my food shelf (yes, I'm short and no the guys didn't change their food shelves just for the 5'3" girl). Alas, after months of awkwardness and avoidance it all just seemed to fall into place. We shared beers and an apple while chatting on the front step, slow danced to my favorite song (Elton John's Blue Jean Baby) which he had somehow remembered, he told me he liked my toenails and we cuddled.

It all was pretty perfect and harmless at the same time. As a dream always does, the sunlight changed things and we were suddenly two hungover roommates trying to avoid each other. Him missing his chem study session and me scrubbing off his Old Spice before escaping to work.

The trip down memory lane reminded me that I want that again. The feeling of giving up control and not stopping something because it scares you because sometimes what scares you is exactly what you need. I just don't know how to let it happen.

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Hellooooo Gorgeous
'Sup. said…
Yeah, I feel like I've taken huge leaps backwards in the area of "letting things happen". I remember in high school thinking, "how do I get from standing 3 feet away from a boy and talking to hugging or snuggling????" It was a complete and utter mystery. Then I was doing fine for a while, and now, it seems I'm right back as a sophomore again, looking at guys and just not seeing how in the world I could possibly be anything but 3 feet away from them. ***SIGH*** :) Love ya LP.

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