Man hiatus

I'm going on one. For the past five months or so since I joined eH and decided I really didn't want to be single forever and that maybe, just maybe, doing something about it would be a positive thing, I put myself out there. I put on a smile, I was open to new opportunities and I even went on a few dates and had long conversations with someone who lives 1,000 miles away.

But the last few weeks have left me bitter and jaded. I'm back to the woman on a mission mindset and don't have the time or energy to "put myself out there" right now. It's back to having me time, reading good books, working out like a warrior, etc.

The thing is, over the past several months, the guys I liked either wimped out or didn't like me back like they claimed to, and the guys who liked me, I didn't return the feelings for.

After watching DeAnna and Jesse on the Bachelorette Monday evening, (mom asked if I was going to watch it, so what the hey, I did) my feelings as of recent were even more solidified. DeAnna picked Jesse (young, wild, prosnowboarder) over Jason (settled, attractive, single dad and the obvious choice). And I could totally identify. I realized, that the guys who liked me were like Jason (minus the whole single dad and settled thing). They were stable and nice, but maybe too nice. I was bored. And the guys I liked were a bit more like Jesse (w/out the guts to say what they were really feeling) and I was attracted to it. I'm attracted to the guys I can't have and probably shouldn't have, but that's precisely why I want them. Ugh.